I’ve told this story before but it’s so good that i’ll share it with you again and particularly for this topic, but don’t let it freak you out…remember we’re here to help lol!
So this friend of mine thought he would take his son out for the afternoon, go to a movie, hang out, and have a bit of a chat about life and certain “other” things. When he finally approached the topic, they were sitting on a park bench. When the Father started talking about “it” the son put his head between his hands, fell off the bench and started rolling around on the ground screaming “No, no, no!!!!!”. I don’t know how the rest of it went but that part is funny enough for the moment.
I’m not sure whether it was the “puberty” talk, or the “sex” talk or both, but suffice to say it was awkward and wasn’t easy. Let’s face it, for some parents it is not an easy conversation to have, and for some kids it can be very uncomfortable to hear their parents talk about such intimate things. “Oh no you’re not talking to me about…….!!!
“Talk early, talk often”
So when is the best time to start on these conversations? One of the best pieces of advice I’ve heard on the subject is “talk early, talk often”. I guess this means start the conversations with your kids about their bodies, how babies are made etc. early, rather than leave it until they are tweens and it all becomes a bit awkward. Also the more you talk about it, even a little, the more normal it becomes in the long run. What shocks kids the most is when the conversations about their bodies, if they happen, come out of left field.
As a year 6 teacher it is part of our curriculum to talk about puberty as part of the Health subject. Year 6 students are 11 to 12 years old. In the subject we talk about “puberty” not sex as it is not appropriate for that age group. In saying that though if parents want to talk to their kids about sex at that age that is their choice. I think schools begin actual sex education at around year 8 or 9, but not year 6.
11 to 12 yrs of age is probably a pretty good benchmark to have had these conversations with your kids. By benchmark I mean it needs to have happened by this time at least, particularly for boys. For girls however menstruation can begin as young as eight years old, but that is uncommon. My wife has talked to our 8 year old girl about periods in general terms because she has asked about them and is very inquisitive about a whole lot of things.
Between the ages of 8 and 12, children often worry whether they’re “normal” — particularly when it comes to the size and symmetry of the penis, testicles and breasts. It’s important to explain what happens during puberty for both boys and girls. Offer reassurance that children of the same age mature at different rates. Puberty might begin years earlier — or later — for some children, but eventually everyone catches up. You might want to share experiences from your own development, particularly if you once had the same concerns that your child has now.
Ultimately it’s best if you are the one in control of the information and conversation your child is getting about puberty. The reality is that these days they will find out about their bodies from someone (friends, peers) or something (videos, the internet, porn). So you have a choice to make. Either it comes from you, or these other sources. These other sources are not as reliable as the information you will give them, some cane even be harmful. After all as a great parent, you want to make sure your kids are getting the best information, and the right information that matches up to your values and wishes for their personal development into their teenage years.
If you are finding difficult to approach your son or daughter about the topic there is always the option of giving them some appropriate resources like books or websites to look at which give the right information. Below we have compiled a list of recommended books and websites that you will be able to refer them to. Make sure to read through the book or website yourself first to make sure it’s the kind of material you are comfortable with and want them to have access to.
Websites (some of them are American):
- https://kidshealth.org/en/kids/grow/
- https://raisingchildren.net.au/articles/puberty.html
- https://www.libragirl.com/ – more relevant to girls obviously
- https://www.cyh.com/HealthTopics/HealthTopicDetailsKids.aspx?p=335&np=289&id=1774
- https://pbskids.org/itsmylife/body/puberty/
Books:
- Kaz Cooke – Girls Stuff
- What’s happening to me – Lynda Madaras, Usborne Publishing
- Secret Girls Business & Secret Boys Businesss – https://www.secretgb.com/books/
So, Good Luck! Realistically these conversations with our children will all have moments of embarrassment, giggling, hiding behind hands (mostly by the parents) and awkward silences, and that’s ok. As a teenager I know I would have preferred to have a couple of awkward but truthful conversations with my parents rather than being left in the dark to work it out myself. How about you?
